Training Ground Zero
by Ifgrasswereblue
Summary: Emotionally blackmailed into ANBU guard duties over Naruto, Kakashi was highly convinced that the boy was hellspawn. Reincarnated!B. Katsuki
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1: In which he's probably a demon in disguise**

As of late, Kakashi's worst fears didn't manifest in his dreams or in the quiet moments of his daily visitations to the memorial stone. Rather, it came in the form of emotionally blackmailed guard duty to his late teacher's infant son who was a near literal demon to babysit. So much that if his faith in Minato-sensei's seals weren't sky high, he would've thought that the demon fox must've slipped through somehow.

Kakashi could even put it in 10 words or less. _Uzumaki Naruto was nothing like his parents._

See? 7 words. Now, wasn't that a lucky number.

The… the _hellspawn _\- mere baby, only months in age at this point, was terrifying in his anger. And for what, Kakashi wasn't at all curious to find out. He'd rather stay comfortable in the seat of dealing with the already fitful Naruto because anything more sounded like it took too much effort and emotional energy.

Furthermore, if he hadn't known better, Kakashi would've suspected the ugly, ugly tantrums to have stemmed from the fact that the baby understood that he was a baby. Naruto had a set of lungs on him. Ones that could last for hours and hours and hours, uncaring of the time of day. He wasn't even doing a proper wail. It was pure unadulterated screams of rage.

The pieces weren't ones that Kakashi could click into place; because perhaps the screaming alone he could deal with, but the pure silence that followed for days felt far more creepier than his cute kouhai's emotionless eyes.

Childcare may not have been the apprenticeship the silver-haired ninja had taken - not so much as everything murder under the sky anyway - but the thing was, even Kakashi knew that self-awareness couldn't possibly occur so early. Brain development would still be incomplete, the cranium soft enough he could crush it easily under one hand.

What was it? And just where was the logic? Ninjas defied realities and Fate herself all the time but not even prodigies like him knew that Kakashi was called Kakashi until he turned 4 months old. Naruto was 2 and a half.

Kakashi wanted to stab someone when he witnessed Naruto's first fully opened eyes too. They were an achingly familiar blue at first, and the tingling compulsion was aimed at himself (Useless, powerless, heartless Kakashi. Couldn't save _anyone- _). Then they flashed fucking red and Kakashi wanted to slash a Kunai over his _and _the Third Hokage's throat for making him see things he could not unsee.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2: In which he's probably a child prodigy**

Kakashi had bought a childcare manual titled - rather arrogantly in his opinion - 'Becoming the Best Parent: The Complete Manual to Child Development and Care'. It was bold of it to imply that Kakashi could or would become anywhere near the perfect parent by mere book alone. Although that wasn't the reason he bought it in the first place.

The bookstore he frequented regularly for his favourite literature gave him weird looks so Kakashi had to explain briefly without breaking any contracts promising silence. No porn this time, a miracle, I know. "It's a reference," He stated mildly._ So that I know that_ _I'm not going crazy._

He didn't think the book keeper got the hidden message. That was alright though, Kakashi wouldn't want to understand himself either. He was a bundle of bad decisions and worse ones that he never seemed to learn from.

It was the trauma and child soldier duties, honest.

Kakashi had around 4 hours before his next shift to take care of the pup. He might as well get through the development chapters first. The actual 'how to raise' part could die a poetic death in an Uchiha fire for all he cared. Shinigami-sama knew they couldn't raise children properly to save their pride.

_IS YOUR CHILD GROWING NORMALLY?_

_These milestones are a great way to measure the growth of your child! From their little smiles to the point where their cognitive development allows for the introduction of must-have toys to help improve their motor skills and problem solving skills. Take note of these months to measure how your child is doing. It is highly recommended to seek an authorised professional if any abnormalities are - _

Kakashi grimaced. This was going to take a while.

Minato-sensei's spawn was about 4 months now, if he recalled right. Time was honestly blending into colourless spurs and Kakashi could not truly appreciate the terrifying development Natuto had made until he'd finally finished about one fourth of the development section after multiple accounts of complaints by his neighbours next door.

Jeez, can't a man throw practice his kunai throwing skills to distract himself at 4 o'clock in the morning? Jounin these days honestly had nothing on the past when even Chunin (war-promoted; so basically children, but that wasn't the point) dared to take literal pissing contests on the roof.

Moving on, at Naruto's current age, the book had stated that the kid should be smiling a lot. He wasn't. Though that could be due to the utterly terrified caretakers at the orphanage that Kakashi threatened once he caught wind of their low-handed neglect of the child.

Alright, alright. What about communication and speech then? He flipped to the next page, one eye carefully reading the listed bullet points from the three he'd taken to perching on stealthily outside the boy's room.

So, expect nonsensical babbling, oohs and aah, squeals, babbles, imitations of another's expression. Oh, so that's what they meant by frequent smiles - assuming the parent smiled around the child. Hmm… so Naruto was in the early stages of cognitive learning.

Wisely, Kakashi was going to ignore how the child was attempting to stand even though he should only be able to flip from his back to his belly _and _he was also going to turn an unironic blind eye on how Naruto's first word was a very clear and eloquently put "Fuck." while trying to perform the aforementioned stand.

Kakashi took a while to process what he'd been reading and what he was seeing. Naruto toppled over, tiny hands losing their grip on the crib. No toys surrounded him as the Hokage hadn't the time to drop by for a visit after the destruction left by the Kyuubi.

Boredom was starting to look like excellent motivation to get a baby up and about. Kakashi had one handedly solved the mystery to mass producing soldiers for a war at a young age: just leave them. They'll figure it out eventually for a lack of better things to do. Like growing.

Sighing, Kakashi straightened himself against the rough bark of the tree.

This job sucked.

Breathe in, breathe out. The scent of his pack would soothe the mild panic skipping ninja wire in his chest.

In conclusion, the boy was an abnormality.

(Much more than Kakashi who became Genin at 5 years of age.)

Shit, Naruto was a child prodigy despite having no war brimming over the horizon - _a_ _sign_, some paranoid part of him whispered hysterically. Adjusting his Inu mask, Kakshi snapped the pastel blue book shut. Minato-sensei shared something in common with his son, afterall.

And maa… was that… Chakra?

The text said 10 months before Chakra Coil formation. 10 months! _No, Naruto!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3: In which he's hopefully loyal**

12 months had passed and the child had mastered running into a relatively acceptable art form. At one year and two months old, of course Kakashi had better things to do in his life than worrying.

Or so he proclaimed to himself. Like, y'know, a textbook ninja. Thus, a liar.

The silver haired ANBU had changed his slots for half a morning, late noons, and whole evenings once Naruto showcased the weird trait of needing less sleep than the average baby. In which was also months before whatever bipedal mastery everyone in the orphanage bemoaned over.

As of late, his job felt more of a twisted hobby than the initial drag-through-the-gut reminder of his failures. Kakashi carried a pen around all the time, making it a side mission to cross out everything in the child development handbook that Naruto wasn't following.

It was fun, for the most part. Whole chapters were getting shamed in red by the week. The ninja also liked adding small notes of his own next to the crossed off bullet points; tiny scrawls that said stuff like:

'_First smile, 5 months old.' _It was actually a very evil, very hateful smirk. To be fair, the orphanage matron deserved whatever came her way.

'_Chakra control: Genin, 10 months old.' _At that, even the Hokage paled and voiced his doubts at Minato-sensei's seals for a minute too. Served him right, Kakashi thought, secretly vindictive. God of Shinobi or no, _Sarutobi Hiruzen _hadn't been the one to hear the not-so-quiet whispers of kicking Naruto out early.

'_Spoon holding mastery, 5 days.' _The pictures he snapped secretly were hilarious. Kakashi's knowledge that children developed from the feet up made it ten times more ridiculous at Naruto's increasingly demonic scowl.

… Obito would honestly cry if he saw Kakashi now. Or have laughed his ass off. Most likely the latter.

Surprisingly, it didn't take half as long as Kakashi had expected for the orphanage to _introduce _Naruto to the outside world. Perhaps the infamous bouts of tantrums contributed to such, but Kakashi could read the glimmer in every caretaker's eyes. They wanted him out and away as much as possible and just as soon. The ninja wouldn't put it past him before Naruto was officially tossed out. The boy would be safe for now, however, if only by the thin skin of his age.

Naruto loved to explore the lands outside of closed doors. He always left early and stretched his curfew for as long as he could, devastatingly tinier than anyone else. Kakashi constantly worked overtime due to the constant worry that plagued his veins because the villagers had no lost love for their late Hokake's son. The lack of A Ranked missions displayed their after effects when Kakashi's in-village jitters demoted his unfortunate ass from ANBU Commander to everyday stalker. Paid, but whatever.

Naruto, on the other hand, took it eerily well. He learned which paths weren't safe, creeping about the back alleys and managing to land himself tiled roofs that no kid should have had their feet on for at least another few more years. Naruto had nearly slipped a few times for his body wasn't at all prepared to be climbing anything. No muscles nor common sense stuck in his yellow little head. The building wasn't an unreasonably tall one, which comforted Kakashi more than he'd ever admit.

The borderline maniacal grin etched on Naruto's face deserved a another picture in the collection when he finally made it up.

The kid was perceptive, or looked to be, when he wouldn't move from that particular roof he'd climb only to sit down and watch the world around him.

A contemplative expression crossed his face as the child observed time pass by like an outsider exempt from Konohagure's hard-won embrace. Kakashi barely refrained from Body Flickering by his side and asking: _don't you think she's beautiful? _

The sight of bustling civilians running their daily lives, selling foreign wares, fresh produce, and occasional cattle. The sound of gossip from idle housewives, even more so from Shinobi of every rank - Genin, Chunin, Jounin, the hidden ANBU, who could also stick on surfaces like lizards and make elemental weapons of flame and wind and water out of thin air.

Take in how Konoha breathes through her people, her buildings, her towering trees. The Hokage monuments that have watched over them since the creation of the only Home Kakashi had ever known through thick and thin.

Minato-sensei loved this Village Hidden in the Leaves despite the tears, sweat and blood it's sucked up from the roots. Almost wistfully, Kakashi hoped his son would too. By the uncharacteristically gentle sigh that left Naruto's mouth, the boy might already be learning.

The very next week (only 4 days since), Naruto picked up his first kunai.


End file.
